Topic: "I" am the biggest hurdle to a better world future Convener: Suzanne Daigle Note taker: Mary Ellen Sanajko Participants: Kathy May, Alexadnra terHorst, Nina Escuders, Collette Thompson, Peter terHorst, Tina Koller, Mary Ellen Sanajko, Kay Vogt, Joanna Dunn, Rachel Lynn Rumson

In the introduction a common thread was the story of people taking a giant leap of faith. Also mentioned is of people sharing their vulnerability about wallowing in their personal sink hole which can mean different things to different people. This always represented the hurdle. Raw Authentic Notes from our Sharing - It starts w/vulnerability … we start sharing the greater purpose beyond the next quarterly results. - Pain in feeling that I must pursue what I believe in … drawn to dialogue processes … touches our core - I’m in love with my mind; I analyse things and need to feel more - Pain of my passion is greater which makes me have courage to speak up

- Very big crises of confidence – get paralysed … can’t call clients - I’m a professional, I think I have to be strong, in a certain mind set … can go a couple weeks w/o calling anyone - Strategic Coach – our most valuable asset is our confidence o I have to protect myself … we are all vulnerable - Resilience o Is about: how do you come back from the sink hole? How do we climb out of it? o We have holes we go to … what are the tools and how do you tap into your resilience, become a resilient person so you can move from there and keep going o There are places I can be very resilient/confident … then places when I get stuck … how do we more quickly cycle through and get back?

	Conversation in our head keeps coming back
	I’m going to go there and it’s about returning
- More I can be in community … there’s a lot of comfort in that … helps heal my pain in my isolation and loneliness … wonderful gift of community - Animals o Humans – we’re the only ones thinking and replaying past challenges/sink holes o How do we let it go? o Women – feel very deeply … we’re willing to say “I feel vulnerable. I feel like I’m not @ the top of my game” … get strength from talking about it o How can we really learn to let go? b/c it’s about coming back to m-s, get back on my block so more of a breeze than a bowling ball that knocks me over … over, around, rather than right through me

Sink hole - Feeling: not avoiding the pain … need to feel it intensely so I’m watching myself and reflecting on what am I feeling - WaveRider? – chapter on pain and grief … if we do it that way w/o the thinking or beating ourselves up just observing and welcoming it - Who am I drawing to me that’s bringing this pain to me? lots to learn from this -- patterns emerge. Conflict of having Courage in Volunteer Work but being Challenged in Corporate life - I’ve built a microcosm with a great small team; however the bigger org is not great in spite of the CEO talk. - Why can I do it in some contexts and not others? (ie: volunteer work versus corporate)? - What is it that I care about so much in the org that says “they could be better.” Is it worth it to me to pursue? To get beat up? Should I not accept to influence with small pieces and not always need to tackle the big? o Be happy if you can make a difference on whatever level

Reflection Exercise done by the group: - Go quiet – close your eyes … What am I thinking? What am I feeling? This is something we can do several times in a day. - My best is different every day … it’s all I got today. Deal with today

Continued Discussions - Life is recovery - The role of Honesty - Love gave me more courage – when we do talk and speak honestly, we’re not in the sink hole - Thoughts are about us trying to rationalize our emotional experience. - Is the new form of leadership our ability to emote? Not to push or force our emotions, but bring them forward. - Can’t talk about leadership in the group if I don’t know about my own version of leadership - Physical work opens us up on a cellular level all the stuff we’ve inhaled since we were born - Am I happy now? - Discovering the “I” through others … solicit honest exchange so I may learn more about my “I” - Yoga – alignment, transcendental energy … I as essence, I as my identity and that’s the part that my sink hole is a part of. - Sink hole is an emotional one – bring myself to feeling a planetary feeling … what does my eco-psychology look/feel like? o What is the vehicle from going from isolation to community … to org … these are the bits that define leadership for me day to day

- Being our own worst enemy - Is my glass half-full/empty … the sink hole … what’s in the sink hole with me? - There’s a lot of good potentially in the sink hole that if it were recog’d I’d be climbing out more quickly. Rather than being a pain avoidant society we should greet pain. o What are the things I have (gratitudes) … reflected on the cumulated good vs the cumulated places I didn’t succeed … we’re creating everyday a portion of things that make us doubt ourselves + creating those bits that affirm us o What are the feelings I have as a leader in other parts of my life? Am I going to let that other part suck that away? - Try to make things not complicated. Keep it simple.

Shadow - Leadership assessment + exec derailers … behavior that happens under stress, happen rarely but memorably. Example derailers: o Excitable … unpredictable, people walking on eggshells o Bold … over-using a skill o There’s 10 of them … in categories of moving away from against (fighting), moving toward (diligent) …. Fight, flight, and overly accommodating - It’s important to know that the shadow is a real thing, part of human nature, grounded in thought o Been shown up to not be successful, articulate, etc o Based in emotional trash from the past o Feeling our emotions is really important to get @ that o My life force is my feelings o What am I thinking, feeling, what do I need? … if we’re not doing that our brain thinks we’re dying… do functional MRIs and puts person in v.stressful state to not know what we’re needing b/c our bodies need to know what we need … our body doesn’t like that - It’s so darn hard to work on myself - The moments I have courage .. go with it - The days in the sink hole I’ll just go into it

Pain as a Signal - Every feeling we have is a signal to pay attention - We’re all pain avoidant, and is one of the greatest gifts we can have … to see where it arises … sink hole, let it sit there, really look @ it, ancestral (we never actually experienced) or something I’m experiencing today, or in the past; take pain, look @ it, embrace it, what is it telling me, why am I feeling pain - Use “happy” word for pain … anxiety … is it really pain or am I just ticked off about something? - By embracing any emotion and/or understanding of it … I become more confident in what I’m doing. - Can just as easily spin down into sink hole by ignoring that pain - Masculine energy – push out vs being receptive … - To move out of a feeling … must move … will be paralysed unless you move. - Look @ feelings … move the angry rock, what emotion is behind that … take it down to what’s really the pain point … keep working - Pain avoidant society - Go and sit in my bastion of uncomfortableness … Wayne Dyer says keep thinking about it cuz your mind wants you to get something from that o Each level I go down, it’s probably a little more uncomfortable - We’re full of trash, and if we don’t take out the garbage, we’ll be a cesspool in our lives

- Making a decision (it wasn’t knowledge) ... part of it is posturing - It’s about self-acceptance and self-love o Fearful of being the leader o I don’t want to be seen o Mumbling so I won’t be kicked out o Maybe I won’t ever be that person… accept myself for who I am … so leadership may not look the way I thought it would o Not push myself into some mold I’m just not - Self-care

Book Suggestions - Excuse me your life is waiting - The knight in rusty armor - The presence process by Michael Brown - The pathway by Laurel Mellin …